So each generation inevitably falls into some form of “kids today are_____”. We can’t help it, it is the joy/curse of selective retention that allows us to all forget what dumb ass nonsense passed for our youth while shaking our head at the dumbasses of today. Only they have cooler gear. Just as you have cooler gear that whatever your parents had. And with the exception of the WWII generation—they get a pass because they were badass and we’ll never see their kind again—all the subsequent generations have brought roughly the same amount of good and bad at the end. Part of the problem now is that we get to name these groups. ‘Baby Boomers’—that post WWII group, comprising some 77 million living Americans, represented THE generation of consumers and social drivers. The generation of “solid American values”, stable blue and white collar jobs, and conservative consistency. I guess. But now a new animal threatens their powerful legacy. Chances are you have seen one of these feral creatures if you’ve been to concert lately; they’re the ones on their phone/holding up their phone the entire show. Or if you’ve been at a Vegan solar-powered microbrewery; he/she’s the one who ordered “the hoppiest IPA you’ve got” and then paid for it through some app on their phone. No, tablet…because they probably brought in a tablet. Or if your job is in upper management, you may have seen one during the interview process; they’re the one who asked “how many years until I make VP?” and “define ’40 hour’ work week”, emails you directly with their pedantic thoughts on ‘personal development’, and then quit 16 months in to go take a job with a start-up.
This group used to be cutely referred to as Generation Y…like, “those darn kids” with a rueful smile and shake of your head. This refers to the generation of people born roughly between 1980-2000 (or 2002, depending on your source material). I refer to a Goldman-Sachs report published last year, and a fantastic article by Joel Stein in TIME (http://time.com/247/millennials-the-me-me-me-generation/). But now those hipster little upstarts number 92 MILLION Americans—the largest in history—and represent the largest financial leverage of any demographic. And for that, they got a new designation…”Millennials”. Just the sound of it comes with a ‘fun.’ song in the background. According to Goldman-Sachs, 44% of these dreamers in skinny jeans use text as their preferred/main form of communication. Experiment: If you know one, call them. They will not answer. Most of the ones I know break out in the meat sweats at just the thought of having to call and talk to a stranger. Hot pockets and basement jokes aside, just under 30% of this entire group still live at home with their parents. They are the most in debt generation in history, with less income to spend, and predictably the old-timers hate them. Millennials shun the traditional workplace, don’t embrace owning large assets, and are much slower to “settle down” domestically. They are basically the Antichrist disguised as Panic! At the Disco. But people in glass Elvis Pressley’s should not throw Elvis Pressley’s. Millennials are also the most socially accepting, heath & fitness oriented, and environmentally friendly generation in history. They are digital natives, they are social and connected, and they are less functionally “rebellious”. They are innovative. They are savvy consumers. To say nothing of the fact that the largest percentage of that debt they carry is from our insanely out of whack collegiate loan expense (a rant for another time). Millennials include such financial icons as Evan Spiegel, Mark Zuckerberg, Beyoncé, and LeBron James. They are narcissistic, entitled, self-promoting, and annoying as hell (not to mention they birthed “YouTube personalities”). They are tech-reliant to the point of crippling some social/emotional development. But they are changing the world for the better. Now get off my lawn you damn Millennials, and take your fancy tablet with you.
*’The Nic of Time’ is produced by Geek Cast Live, as a topical de jour to inform and entertain. It is not intended to treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Feel free to submit your fave outlandish topic, and we’ll do our best to make it sound interesting
